#tjemselves up like that the way i did i guess like all of my modes of creative expression are so separate and im just now Overwhelmed w the
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#purrs#why cant i ever.... Stay. why cant i be one Whole person why do i have to split myself up and shrink back and not give 100% of myself to#Any One Thing. why am i so absent and reclusive and incapable of Staying™️ and Being Present™️#i would so much rather be very good at one thing than mediocre at many things but theres nothing i can do. and people arent meant to split#tjemselves up like that the way i did i guess like all of my modes of creative expression are so separate and im just now Overwhelmed w the#tragedy of it and how like its practically irreversible and i cant ever achieve that unity bc ive kept stuff separate for so long#its not healthy 2 spread myself so thin i dont think. like i feel like im always hiding some part of myself no matter which mode i switch#into and i can never be 100% authentically Me even when im by myself. bc i am too many things all @ once and thats not enough for me to taje#my attention span is so frail???? i ghost and lurk and never reply to shit and i get so overwhelmed and its my fucking fault bc thats#how ive decided to ofganize my life and it doesnt even work or mean anything and im just overwhelmed w guilt and shame#because i have to hide my poetry from some people and hide my art / memes or whatever from others and ive gotten so used to hiding but i#dont have enough energy or time to merge evrrything the way i want it. its too late in my life for that#idk what im saying At All and im sorry for being vague and confusing but im a fucking terrible friend and a worse Creator Of Words And Art#and i should be ashamed of myself and i fuckign Am. i really truly am im a disgrace!!!!! why does anybody put up w me or support my content!#i dont even make anything Good like i just can nebver give anything my all or be constantly present and i just gmsnfntmnsjrktkdjfkfkd#this is long and pointless and im fuckign awful im sorry#i feel abd for posting this but ive been feelig disatisfied w my Creative Expression And Its Affect On My Pressnce all day and now i have 2#spend all day tmrrw doing school shit bc i procrastinated an di kust gmdbjfjdbrskfjsjfjbsjsjfjf Fùck!#why do i get so uncomfortable and shit and shrink back from eberything Why Why Why wjat is wrong with me!! why am i still putting up walls!!#why am i always like a fraction of a person!!!! instinctively!!!!!!! like All The Fucking Time!!!!! oh my GHHHJooofjfndbdnsm
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